Secure Infant Attachment Matters

Infant attachment is the very first relationship your newborn will have with you. Therefore, it is the most important one in his life.

It might seem overwhelming to many parents who aren't sure if they can bond with their newborn right away. Do not stress out. This is an ongoing process and it doesn't happen overnight.

Tips for bonding with your baby

Understand baby's cues and needs

understanding baby's cues

  • WATCH for your baby’s face mimics and how he moves for clues.
  • LISTEN to different sounds your baby makes at different times.
  • TOUCH your baby as much as you can. Note what kind of touches and when does he like most.
  • PAY ATTENTION to what your baby likes. Does he like to be rocked in a chair or in your arms while you dance waltz? Does he prefer music before sleep? Or does he have to go outside to calm down. 


"I'm sleepy sound might be less loud and be little bit whiny.

"I'm hungry sound is very loud and it doesn't stop no matter what you do.


Provide food and sleep according to baby’s needs

Feed him and put him to sleep. It sounds easy, right?

Well not so much. As baby grows (hourly) his needs grow and change as well. His feedings and sleep schedule need to be adjusted accordingly for him to be happy and engage.

Many times overtired baby can be very active, hyper and wanting to play. But what it really means - that you have missed  his nap.


Communicate with your baby. Talk. Play. Laugh.

Play with baby

All babies want to play. Try to always respond in playful mood to your baby’s invitation to play.

Involve different educational toys, music, touching books.

It’s a joy to play with a baby, so get silly, get on the floor and enjoy your child.

Maybe a peek-a-boo game?


Stop trying to be a perfect parent

Nobody’s perfect and you don’t have to be. AS long as you are trying and you notice your mistakes you will build a secure attachment for your child.

Secure infant attachment requires you to understand your baby's cues one third of the time, not every time.


Fathers can be primary caretakers too, when mother is not available

Father as primary caretaker

  • Bottle feeding. Dad can form a special bond with his infant when handling feedings and diaper changes by looking into his baby’s eyes, smiling, and talking.
  • Talking, reading, or singing to your baby. Even though your baby doesn't understand what you're saying, hearing dad’s calm, reassuring voice conveys safety.
  • Playing peek-a-boo and mirroring your baby's movements.
  • Mimicking your baby's cooing and other vocalizations.
  • Holding and touching your baby as much as possible. Fathers can keep baby close by using a front baby carrier, pouch, or sling during daily activities.
  • Letting baby feel the different textures of dad's face.

More ideas on how to bond with your baby.


Myths and Facts about Infant Attachment

“I gave birth to my baby, that's why he is attached to me."Newborns have independent nervous systems and it may be not like yours. Sometimes things that make you feel good doesn't make your baby feel good. So make sure to look for your baby's cues and needs to find out what he really wants and likes.
“Loving and being securely attached is the same thing".Bonding and attachment happen instinctively between mothers and babies, but, unfortunately, loving doesn't always mean secure attachment. Secure attachment happens when you are able to be calm and respond to your baby's cues, and successfully soothe your infant.
“I cannot always know what my baby wants. Sometimes it is very hard to find out what he needs to calm down. He must not be securely attached". It is not possible or necessary to understand your baby’s emotional needs all the time in order to develop a secure attachment bond. As long as you recognize the disconnect and attempt a repair, the relationship will stay strong and may even grow stronger as a result of repairing the disconnect.
“Always responding to their needs makes babies spoiled.”On the contrary, the more responsive you are to an infant’s needs, the less “spoiled” the baby will be as they get older. Bonding creates trust, and children with secure attachments tend to be more independent, not less.
“Secure attachment is a one-way process that focuses on accurately reading my baby's cues.”Attachment is a two–way process where your baby reads your cues as you read his.
"Babies can have a secure attachment bond with more than one person.”Babies form a secure attachment with only one person – the person who spends the most time caring for them. However, they can bond or connect in a loving way with all those people who take care of them.

Importance of Secure infant attachment

Research of more then 50 years shows that infants need to have secure attachments with their parents early in their lives. It is critical for their future development.

Every parent knows that infants need a lot of attention and it takes a lot to gain their trust. But the first few months of an infant’s life are the most critical. If the infant does not feel comfortable then it may be very difficult for the child to attach himself to the parent.


When kids form secure attachment they feel safe and confident to play and explore.

The importance of early infant attachment is crucial to healthy child development. The effects of infant attachment are long-term, influencing generations of families.

Securely attached kids will grow into confident and healthy adults.

The bonding is good for you too

During bonding your body gets a lot of endorphins. They work magic motivating you, giving you lots of energy (even after sleepless nights) and overall making you just feel happy. So creating a secure attachment with your infant is some work, but it is so worth it. It has many benefits for both of you.

“This is a dance back and forth. Every family works it out differently”.


Take good care of yourself

To be able to take good care of your baby and to create a secure infant attachment, you need to feel good, be healthy physically and mentally. Even if it sounds unrealistic - but you also need some rest as well.

  1. Sleep enough. Irritable, cranky, anxious, unfocused, slow - these are the signs of sleep deprivation. Your baby will feel it and he won't "appreciate" it.
  2. Get help from your loved ones to do some housework and food preparation.
  3. Get away. Even if it is hard to leave your precious newborn - try to spend at least one hour every few days away from the house. Go to the bookstore, to the coffee shop, yoga class or anything that is enjoyable for you. 


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